Another WhatsApp notification buzzes. It's the family group chat, for the tenth time this morning. I swipe it away as always, but refuse to mute it.
I check the password manager daily for logins that still use my deadname. Thirteen. Four relate to work and are therefore stuck for the medium-term. Seven relate to companies that are stubborn, backwards, or just plain broken. Two are last-gasp backups.
Ignore the ninty-three victories, and the stray five logins that are stuck on a different name of mine. The thirteen are the only ones on the mind.
Of course, it won't end once everything is converted. There's always something, or someone, that stands in our way, refusing to budge its worldview of us by an inch. A more wholesome way to approach this would be to embrace only that which accepts us, but alas I am a petty bitch.
There's a few enties that I wouldn't mention on a publicly viewable blog post, but if they prove troublesome I will drag them kicking and screaming into acknowledging our existence. It's been proven time and time again that this is the only reliable solution.
And then what? My brain can't settle for anything. There always has to be another hill to climb.
There's been some very nice moments recently that are brand new to me. Falling asleep with friends nearby, a view of Sandy and Muffin loafing observing their garden, the comfort of visiting a couple's place talking casual things for hours. A lot of it still does not feel real.
Maybe reinforcement of these lovely things is all that's needed. I don't need much more than what's already within reach.
Though I would enjoy breaking the Irish land speed record. 161mph is pathetic. But OTHER than that, I may just have to be content with being content.