Whatever allure there is to immerse myself into hundreds of episodes of a show I watched years ago, the reality of the time investment has always been stronger. An infinitely growing list of things to do only makes this worse.

Abridged series of anime had a great run about a decade ago, running various series through layers of bullshit parodies, jokes and references that sometimes landed and often didn't. But they were charming. Little Kuriboh's Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged was the classic[1], TeamFourStar's Dragonball Z Abridged had great quality, and PurpleEyesWTF's Code MENT gave me brain damage (affectionate).

Back in the modern world, I saw an anime abridged series that was done entirely using AI voices. That, plus the total drop-off in new interesting abridged series, seems to have killed off that sub-genre. So for exploring old series that we all know aren't technically good, but hold affection in our hearts, yet demand boatloads of hours to assess again - what to do?

Caoimhe′ made me aware of the "I shortened Yu-Gi-Oh! down to about a minute" series, which has answered so many of my prayers. The joyfully-named Bing Bong 2.0 has done this for each episode of Yu-Gi-Oh, plus some other anime they took an interest in. None of them are short series. The time investment for this project must be horrifying.

With thanks to Bing Bong, I've been able to watch some dumbass shows from my childhood and deliver thoughts and opinions as garbage as the shows themselves :3

Yu-Gi-Oh

Season 1 has charm and stupidity in equal measure. "Screw the rules I have money" might have been coined by LittleKuriboh from Episode 1, but they shouldn't have bothered - no rules existed at this point. You play whatever cards you want, whenever you want, make up effects as you go along, and retcon stuff hoping that the kids won't notice.

Female characters are dire, and this does not improve as the series progresses. Kaiba is showing his potential of being a diva extraordinaire, but hasn't peaked yet. The plot does not stand up to being examined by a blind man who died 20 years ago. Best watched quickly to get to the slightly better stuff.

Season 2, the classic, is represented well. The overarching joke of this series is Egyptian God Cards. If this confuses you, don't worry about it :)

Bing Bong now becomes far more comfortable ripping into the silliness of the English dub. The way every mention of death is just replaced with citing the Shadow Realm in increasingly unrealistic setups is particularly funny. Plus this moment that sent the entire watching party into hysterics:

Also this moment that had me cackling hysterically in an otherwise empty house:

Season 3 I had no time for as a kid, as I always resented it for ruining the pacing of the Battle City arc. The shortened version is solid as expected. But there's much less funny things to talk about here.

As a kid, I had no idea Season 4 was entirely filler. Watching it again, it makes a bit more sense. Way too much of the season is caught up in meaningless duels versus lackeys, and every side character inevitably getting a few episodes to themselves in a way that can't matierially change anything to the canon plot. A huge minus to Bing Bong here though - they didn't include this absolute banger of an exchange.

Season 5 was disappointing when I watched it half a lifetime ago, and even more disappointing now. Bakura is meaningless as a final villain if he was sidelined for so long. The plot meanders while he gets owned at every possible opportunity. Zorc is a stupid main boss with nothing interesting about him. Yu-Gi-Oh Forbidden Memories has a more cohesive plot finale than this for fucks sake.

Naruto

Yes it's a cringe-ass anime series, but it has heart. Even if it has the worst second episode of an anime I can recall.

There's plenty of interesting fights, and this is amplified when there isn't any bullshit jutsus to throw around. Every fight involving either Shikamaru or Rock Lee is good. Almost every member of the Konoha 12 gets their spotlight, apart from Tenten of course, the sacrifical lamb for our amusement. More meaningful fights, like Orochimaru vs Hiruzen, are impactful and feel appropriately overwhelming in terms of power and skill versus what you've seen up until then.

Naruto is infamous for an absurd amount of filler. Kid me discovered the concept while wondering why the quality took a huge nosedive after the Sasuke Recovery Mission. Not even Bing Bong can make them good. Apart from when they well and truly give up on trying.

Female characters are not treated well in Naruto. This is a continuing trend here.

Bing Bong doesn't put parodies or comments into this series anywhere near as much as they did with Yu-Gi-Oh. Not 100% sure why.

Naruto Shippuden

Oh how this series falls off a cliff. It starts pretty well, with the Kazekage Rescue Mission showing off a huge climb in power level since the timeskip. It feels appropriate though, and the Akatsuki are a great villainous team.

Akatsuki Suppression Mission is peak. Shikamaru gets a banger of an arc for him and his team. Kid me loved this arc more than any other, and they were right. Unfortunately it also shows the enormous glowing point where the series falls apart.

After significant build-up and two considerable fights, everything is derailed when Naruto himself shows up. He unironically asks the entire assault team to stand aside while he does it himself. He then proceeds to spam the same two jutsu over and over again, a trend that persists until the end of Shippuden. Fights become uninteresting, throwing away strategy for flashier and flashier hype moments.

The plot later rips itself to shreds. The 180-degree turn on Itachi's character was a huge mistake, dooming Sasuke into a world of eternal edginess.

The fucking Sharingan. It gains so many absurd abilities over Shippuden, rendering everything else in the show meaningless. Fuck Kamui, fuck Izanami, fuck Izanagi, fuck Amaterasu, fuck Kotoamatsukami, fuck Tsukuyomi, and especially fuck Susano'o. Over and over again, it reinforces that the truly strong people in this show were simply born with their abilities, and power scales them into the stratosphere. Hard work becomes a moot concept. Neji was right.

Also Hashirama Senju's DNA has been passed around in this world more than Genghis Khan's. And its abilities are bullshit.

The Fourth Great Ninja War arc, including the aimless filler that ruins it even further, is TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN EPISODES. Diabolically badly written and utterly irredeemable.

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Tldr thanks Bing Bong you've helped me relive my childhood and speedrun the rage of thinking about Shippuden again

  1. Technically this is still running, but it'll never finish either.↩